I like how they get your mind spinning. They confuse me. I confuse them. Sometimes on purpose. They’re hard to understand but simple at the same time. Sometimes they’re easy to manipulate and sometimes you’re easily manipulated by them. Sometimes you like when they kiss you in the middle of a sentence and other times you wonder if they were actually listening. It’s cute how they try so hard to comprehend the female mind and never quite do. Sometimes that frustrates me, but most of the time I’m amused and happy that they tried. I often pretend they are easy to understand, but secretly I want to get inside their head and look around and know what the eff is going on in there. When I try really hard to beat them at something athletic and I get owned, it pisses me off but at the same time it’s a turn on. It’s cool when you’re riding shotgun and a guy is backing out and puts his arm around your seat to look over your shoulder and you feel comfortable letting him be in control. Forehead kisses are the best. Sometimes you just want to snuggle but they’re horny and you get annoyed but flattered at the same time. It’s hot when guys aren’t afraid to show they love/like their girl. C-o-n-f-i-d-e-n-c-e. Boys who have it are irresistible. I like when boys call me “boo” but not “babe”. I love when they laugh. I like hearing their voices so sometimes I’m like, “hey..” and they’re like, “what?” and I say “nothing never mind” and they’re like wtf but I’m satisfied.

A lot of times they make you act crazy even though normally you’re a rational person but it’s kinda nice that something in this world can throw you off still. Know what I mean? Like sometimes they make you jealous and you get that stinging, angry feeling that really blows but is really cool because it’s great you could care about someone so much they could do that to you. Emotions are better than drugs. No one stirs up your emotions like a love interest. Sometimes they look at you like they want to eat you and you want them to stop and keep doing it at the same time. Sometimes they say something sweet and your insides are melty and you become too dysfunctional to respond smoothly. Sometimes they let you wear their clothes and it makes you want to hug yourself and never let go. It’s cool when boys come hug you from behind and it’s cool when you have the right to come up and hug them from behind whenever you want. They’re not your property, of course but you’re just allowed to do that cause you’re their girl and you got it like that. Sometimes boys tell you things they can’t talk about with their guy friends. It’s cool when you make them mad but then you say sorry and kiss them and they aren’t mad anymore and they don’t hold grudges the way your girl friends do. They just let it go and move forward. That’s wonderful. Sometimes when you first meet a boy you feel butterflies every time you think about them for a few weeks and then you realize they are a regular human being too with faults and the butterflies die down and then you realize you like them just the same if not more and the butterflies get all fluttery again but in a different way. It’s less intense, but more enduring. Their bodies are fun to look at because they’re beautiful and different and they are the only person you’re allowed to be that close to without being strange.

It’s funny how guys and girls on a fundamental level never really understand each other the way girls and girls and guys and guys do, but they still need each other. They balance each other in weird ways. Neither sex really knows why, but the mystery of it all makes it fun in a weird way. It’s complicated. I mean, people say girls want relationships and guys want sex but everybody wants both really, in different measures, at different times. That’s why when you click and want the same thing at the same time, it’s like an explosion of happiness and everything turns pink and your mind does cartwheels, little problems melt. Then when they make you angry, everything turns black and the things you once thought were wonderful seem so much less appealing. You scoff at everything. Somehow one single person out of the billions on this earth had the power to do that to you. It makes you upset they had that power and abused it. You cry. You think of all the reasons you hate them.  Then they say they’re sorry and you see their face and you remember the way you feel with them and you know all along you were just suppressing all that love because admitting the love was still there with no one to give it to would break your heart and that hurts. Man, that hurts. Sometimes they don’t say they’re sorry and they don’t come back and you have to be hurt but you never let yourself become bitter. You save that love for someone new. There are more boys. Lots of em. And even though puppy love is sweet, love after heartbreak is tender in its own special way. Sometimes boys have been hurt too and may be a little insecure and you have to be gentle with them and always loyal. Then sometimes they are arrogant or overconfident and you have to give out some tough love. Sometimes that leads to a stupid fight and sometimes that stupid fight leads to making up and making out and it’s all of these wonderful feelings mixed at the same time: resentment from the fight, submission because you know the argument was useless, a quenching feeling because it feels good, melancholy because you secretly worry you are pacifying a major problem with kisses and cuddles as Miss Gwen Stefani says. It’s these intermingling of emotions that are so strong and always conflicting with one another and leaving you without words to articulate but it’s something so universal you can recognize it in someone else’s face without them ever having said a thing. Only romantic love can fuck you up like that.

I don’t know that I said a single definitive thing about boys in this whole long thought stream, but I guess that’s the point. For once, I don’t mind being puzzled and disoriented. You hate boys. You love boys. You need them. You deny that you need them. But you don’t NEED them though. It’s not dependence, it’s something else. I can’t describe it. They’re good for you even when they’re bad for you cause they help you experience. They help you live and feel and see parts of yourself that are fuzzy like a kitten and parts that are sharp like claws. Maybe you get what I’m saying, maybe not.

Boys keep life sweet & sour &… interesting.