At the end of it, I just wanna post up with my king and cheeeeyulllDid I get part of this sentence from a tweenies instagram post? Maybe..
Another rant from my celly
You are you. Outdo yourself. Dont worry bout what im doing. I feel your eyes watching me. Deep creepin. & It makes me anxious when I feel like I have to shrink myself for other people, for you. And its so silly when im sure they have things I can’t touch. I dont spend time worryin about it. I just wanna be a happy cyn, challenging and besting herself, proud of herself, a threat to HERSELF. Not you. You be you. People always want to make themselves smaller & less intimidating to one another but im no bigger and no smaller. I am cyn and she is mighty. I want to be proud of that but so many girls take my pride in myself as a challenge to them. Its not. Im just swirling around over here stretching my arms and flexing my muscles. Im magical and I dont want to pretend not to be so as not to injure your self-worth. Das not my job, people. But I empathize. And I dont want to hurt anyone so sometimes I make myself just a bit smaller. Ive laughed at unfunny jokes, ive lied about my grades, ive even worn clothes to make myself look bigger…just to avoid antagonizing certain types of people. And I hate it! Bah humbug. Your insecurities become my problem. But i know its me who chooses to care about you. But i get tired of telling you the ways youre wonderful (though you are). You should know. Being the source of other peoples validation is such a burden. And ive never needed it in return. If i could ask you one thing it wouldnt be to lift me when im down, to tell me im right when im not, to be the shoulder to lean on…. no. Id ask only that you: Dont compare yourself to me.
Of course, I’ve never attempted to gain affection by owning it or restraining it, locking it down or defining it.
Being able to let go of someone is ultimately the biggest sign that you believe in their love for you. And I believe in his for me.
Even if he does date and love other women over the course of the next year as ill date and love other men.
Having been on the other side of this coin as well, I’ve experienced rejection from boys I knew were into me and respected me yet still belonged somehow to other women and this is what makes me sure i will end up with S.
He may be far away, gettin his while im gettin mine, he may date other women…again. but in the deepest part of my heart, I know I belong to him and he belongs to me. Partly because we’ve never tried to hold each other with chains. He doesnt need to. I look for him in every man. He is the only man I could kneel for and be proud to kneel. He is a king and he deserves me. As arrogant as it is, THAT is the highest compliment I could pay a person. He deserves ME.
And sometimes the most comforting thing I can really say to myself when I start to feel anxious about losing him is this:
"Im Angelina. You Jennifer. Come on bitch. You seen where brad @?"
Thanks, Nicki. Have fun, Jennifer’s. Take care of him while im away. *pat on the head* the queen will claim her king when the time is right.